I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
