my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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