I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
