I'm pants shitting drunk right now
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
