He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
