So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
