He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
