Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
