dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
