I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We're too hungover to prance.
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