The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Enjoy the penises
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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