This is not my ceiling
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
