found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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