i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
