I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
