break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
