Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
