I just saw a hot homeless man
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she told me i tasted like america
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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