the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
