Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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