Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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