yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
