There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
