ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He? As in you personified your dick?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
