we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Ketchup is God's man juice
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
