And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
