I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
