If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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