I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
