she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
