So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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