I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
