Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
