I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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