What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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