I wish I could teleport
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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