Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
