how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
