You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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