I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
