look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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