Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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