yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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