hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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