Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
