Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
