I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
