i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
