I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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