can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
3pm strippers are depressing
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
