then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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